What the hell doggie

I told my wife that she should embrace her mistakes... she hugged me

Just checking I heard a loud pop and thought you might have pilled your head out of your as*

If you kick me when I am down, you better pray I don't get up

I did not trip The floor looked sick so I thought it needed a huge

Is there a thing as a day without bullsh*t

Today is national slap an idiot day look like I've got a full schedule

Yeah I've got OCD Old Cranky and Dangerous

I always start the day with good intentions then I get out of bed and usually where it all goes wrong

Is there such a thing as a day without bullsh*t

Built Dad Tough Proud, Patriotic, Handy

I like to refer to myself as a free spirit because it sounds classier than out of control

Some people aren't just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is missing

Some people will love you as long as you fit in their box, don't be afraid to shove that box up their AS*

If you're waiting for me to give a sh*t you better pack a lunch it's gonna be a while

If swearing burned calories I'd be a skinny b*tch by now